Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
