I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
