Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
