Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize