Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
