Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize