True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You know, be my cock's hype man.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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