hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
