i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
