shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Im part way to drunk.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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