Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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