after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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