she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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