i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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