i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
