Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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