Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
