Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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