If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
