I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
