Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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