I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
