I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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