I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This is classic penis vs brain.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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