Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
