So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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