I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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