Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
