I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
