Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
