ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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