So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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