i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
