Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
