so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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