I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize