Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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