I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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