This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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