His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize