I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
