I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize