dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
