I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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