i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
