I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
