Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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