ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
