He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize