Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
