He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
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