What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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