May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
