you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize