you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
