I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
