My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
