I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
