Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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