you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
